fortywinks

After several weeks, I finally have the courage to write this.

When a tragic situation suddenly arises, how do you cope with it? How do you help a loved one from his helpless state when you yourself is in shock and do not know what to do?

It came one unexpected afternoon on the 12th of December when my nephew, an adolescent child i consider my own, fought for his dear life. He was a victim of violence that happened in his second home, a place that nurtured him as a responsible human being, a supposedly safe sanctuary…his school. Bullies will forever be bullies. When the bully becomes an adult and thinks that he has graduated from his unforgiving ways, there is always that sense of power waiting to be unleashed. A sense of being god-like transcending to be no less than a fungus holding on. I cannot fathom the reason behind the terrifying rage; why a rock solid parking post had to be a weapon of destruction. A deathly blow on the head can send you back to your Creator , or give you a permanent neurologic deficit. The more lucky ones have to wait for hematomas to heal spontaneously with an unknown time frame and yet with the risk of having seizures in the future.

Flying home to my family in Cebu that very same hour was the longest 35 minutes of my life. The call from my frantic sister left me in a state of shock, my heart pounding crazy, and my mind point blank. For the first time, as a physician I felt so helpless. I simply CANNOT think. My physician friends made it easier for us to deal with it and i will be forever grateful to them. The airline was very kind in accommodating my request considering the urgency. I only had 2 important things with me – my cards and HOPE. When you are in a helpless situation with no one else to turn to, God is the only one to call. I compromised, gambled, pleaded to no end and shamelessly cried for mercy. God can break me in exchange for his life. There has to be a way. Recalling loving memories of his childhood was like watching reruns from an old movie with the hope of having a sequel in the future. ..a sports scholarship for college, a future course in Medicine or even heeding a call from God to serve Him. Will he ever have these options and opportunities? An obedient son, a dedicated and disciplined athlete, and a sensitive friend cannot leave us prematurely… I nervously clung to my seat with only HOPE to keep me sane.

I finally saw him long after a seizure with only abrasions on his temporal. The superficial wounds on the outside were nothing compared to the brain trauma. Extreme pain, transient amnesia, incoherence, and 2 episodes of seizures were more than ominous. We were time dependent. A slight delay without medications can leave you hypoxic and brain dead. ..I kissed and hugged him with my emotions in check this time. It was like kissing a newborn on his first breath. He has been given a new lease , a second birthday, a second life. And respectful as he was, my baby kissed my hand and jokingly showed me his broken front tooth. I couldn’t ask for more. Tooth or no tooth, he was alive. We will still be spending more Christmases together and those important occasions in his life. God may have realized that we were not prepared for the worst and never will be.

Forgiveness is a part of healing. Like the hematoma in his brain, it will take a long time for it to heal. We do not expect this to come very soon. Not even from us. The person who has shown no remorse would take him forever to heal his soul. And if by chance their paths would cross in the future, I do hope that they acknowledge each other’s existence. Perhaps, not as friends, but descent people capable of forgiving . Unfortunate things happen for a reason. This has brought our families together. This is OUR journey and we will be there for each other.

Life is too short. Spend it with your loved ones and never be afraid to tell them how much you love them. Appreciate your children even in the smallest of deeds and achievements. I hug my girls more tightly now than before and kiss them to no end. For I may be gone tomorrow and God will no longer make any compromises with me.

James Eric, I love you… i will always love you.